i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
high people should be assigned attendants
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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