p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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