Your tits are I can't wait for
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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