I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
