He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
