This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
