That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
