I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
