dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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