a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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