Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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