I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize