Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
