so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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