I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
