just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
