I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
