holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
