wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I understand Curling. That high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize