a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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