woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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