I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
