There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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