i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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