Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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