I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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