i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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