so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
