Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
