is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
