Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
