There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize