billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
