you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
