I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
