you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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