my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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