Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
