do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
