dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
