i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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