Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
soo... how was my night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
