his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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