I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
