Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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