my mouth tastes like poor choices
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
