I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
