He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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