I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
