I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize