Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had sex on a roof
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
