I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"it" just moved
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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