if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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