his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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