i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
