FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize