Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
