I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
