smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
