grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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