i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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