We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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