I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
pop tarts are not kleenex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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