If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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