i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
