Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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