Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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