we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize