Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
