oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
