Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
