I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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