Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
