mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry about my life...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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