Cold hands, warm shart.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
