yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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