Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Come see our sink grown plant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
