i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
