I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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