so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
don't judge my taste in strippers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you're hired as official boob wrangler
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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