I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
