I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
