In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
