i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it glows. i had to have it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
