I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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