did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
