I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize