Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Im part way to drunk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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