census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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