would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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