And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
