I'm going to jail i love you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
