i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
