Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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