Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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