I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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