Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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