I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
